An open letter to anyone asking me out: Drinks are nice, but I’m hungry

Dear potential (and past) dates, I get that meeting for drinks is low pressure. I appreciate that we’re in our mid-to-late 20’s now – an age where we’re more likely to get indigestion than butterflies on a date and dedicating …

You don’t need a maze to get lost

People are always telling me not to lose myself in a relationship, but I think the real challenge is not losing myself in the dating world.  With each passing date I feel my expectations sink a little lower and the bar that used to be at fairytale level has now been lowered to a point my bright-eyed, 16 year-old self wouldn’t even recognize.  Taylor Swift would be ashamed of me.

My latest dating mistake was full of flashing, blaring warning signs from the beginning.

• Sign number one: He asked me out via Facebook.  I should have known better; Prince Charming doesn’t come riding up on his internet connection.
• Sign number two:  Our date activity was literally impossible.  I mentioned that I really wanted to go to a corn maze, he seemed agreeable.  He then planned our date for a day that no corn mazes are open.  When I mentioned this he responded “don’t worry about it, I’ll figure something out”.
• Sign number three:  He tried to get free food but settled for beer.  Corn maze was not mentioned at any point on our date.  He drove me to Panda Express who just so happened to be handing out free entrees that night.  I drew the line at waiting for two hours to get free fast food Japanese.  He agreed to go elsewhere, “I’d rather go somewhere I can have beer anyways”.
• Sign number four:  He didn’t slow down when changing lanes from beer to whiskey.  After sampling several beers at dinner (which he did have the courtesy to pay for), he took us to a local college bar with $2 you-call-its.  Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy a good drink special on girl’s night… this was not girl’s night, this was date night.  He proceeded to start pounding liquor drinks and when I asked if I was going to need to drive us home he responded, “Nah, I texted a pledge like 30 mins ago”.  Our chariot awaited.
• Sign number five:  Frat Party was the after party.  The pledge arrived to chauffeur us to the next date activity.  Don’t get your hopes up, it was not a corn maze.  A frat party was the grand finale.  Enough said.

I used to think that meeting a guy for drinks was so mature, so Sex and the City.  I now realize that meeting a guy for drinks is only mature in the sense that you have to show your drivers license, which requires a certain level of age garnered maturity.

All I wanted was a cute fall date in a corn maze: crisp fall air, snuggly sweaters, and hand holding.  Instead I let myself get lost in the scummy underbelly of the dating world.  I should have politely asked to go home after dinner, but I didn’t.

For a moment I lost sight of what I deserve; and while I don’t need a pumpkin that turns into a carriage, I would like a decent date at the corn maze pumpkin patch.