Fall clothing for guys that makes me fall in love

Today was the first true autumn day; a brisk breeze was blowing, the sun was shining, brightly colored leaves were flying through the air.  Today was also the first real day everyone broke out their fall fashion finest.

I was walking to class and minding my own business (in my own cute fall attire) when I passed a pair of guys that made me do a double take.  There were two freshmen decked out in suits at 9 a.m., one of them took his suit to the next level.  The fall level.

I started to blush and got a ridiculous smile on my face.  I was losing my cool over a freshman in a velvet blazer.  He looked so put together, so smooth.  I thought velvet only came in the crushed variety from the 1990s, but I was very wrong.

The 90s were a dark time for velvet.

Seeing this well put together young man made me think about how much I love fall for the fact that it’s the best season for guy fashion.  Gone are the sweaty t-shirts and baggy shorts from the summer, and here to stay for the next 4-6 months are rich cashmere sweaters and well cut slacks.

I got so excited about guy fall wear that I decided to put together my top 5 fashion dos and dont’s for guys this fall.

DO…

Velvet Blazers
Velvet blazers guarantee girl’s hands with be running up and down your arms, unless you wear one with jeans. Then we’ll just be running away.

Half Zip Pullover Sweater (preferably Ralph Lauren)
These are my absolute FAVORITE sweaters for guys. If you wear one I will think you look put together, I will think you look smooth, and I will make out with you.  Beware.

Corduroy Pants
Yes, corduroy.  There is something about the texture that I love, I literally can’t help but touch it.  It gets me into awkward situations.

Scarves tucked into your snazzy Dress Coat
I don’t mean wear a scarf as an accessory with your Ked’s.  I mean wear a scarf with your dress coat when taking me on a fancy pants date uptown.

Cardigans
The strong manly kind; cable knit like a fashionable cowboy or fisherman who also reads and enjoys red wine would wear.

DON’T…

Puffer Jackets
You aren’t Mike Jones, this isn’t 2005.  Put that shit away.

Clarks
Those shoes aren’t a shape found in nature or on normal people’s feet.  You look like you have duck feet.

Shorts
It’s fall, almost winter.  It’s cold.  Your legs are cold.  Put on pants, I don’t want to see the hair on your legs reemerge until the animals come out of hibernation.

Fingerless gloves (aka bum gloves)
Unless the heat goes out in your apartment and you need to stay warm but still function, put those away.  Your fingers are going to get frostbite.

Socks with sandals
If it’s too cold to wear your sandals without protecting your feet… it’s too cold to wear your sandals.

No pants? No problem.

We’ve all seen the sign exclaiming: no shoes, no shirt, no service! Many businesses include signs to inform their patrons that a certain amount of clothing is required for service. Not that these signs are really necessary in places other than the beach… my mom didn’t have to tell me to put on shoes before walking into the nasty gas station (Brit Brit I’m talking to you).

So when did girls everywhere decide to bucks the rules for public decency and go pantless?  By pantsless, I mean wearing only leggings, with shirts that do not cover their pantylines.

There are numerous websites and bitchy facebook groups devoted to raising awareness about the leggings as pants epidemic.  Leggings as pants pose so many problems for the wearer and those who have to look at the leggings as pants:

• Camel toes (see below)

• Panty lines
• Clearly going commando
• Fashion equivalent of too much information

I used to be the president of the leggings as pants hate club, but this weekend I learned that leggings as pants are actually an amazing weapon.  Yes, this is my public proclamation that I no longer hate leggings as pants… although tights as pants are a different story (sheer is not ok).
 
I worked as a promo girl for Charlotte Motor Speedway this weekend during the Sprint Cup races.  For two days, it was my job to get drunk race fans to sign up to win a 2012 Toyota Camry.  The first day I wore my track issued promo t-shirt and black dress pants (the uniform requested by the track).  My five hour shift only yielded 103 new car hopefuls.

 
This wouldn’t do.  There was a $100 Visa giftcard, on top of our hourly pay, that went to the girl who got the most race fans registered.  This is where my leggings come in.  I knew I had to step up my game and play to my audience.  Toothloose, drunk, redneck men don’t want to see a girl in business casual; they want to see a girl showing girly goods.

 

The second day of competition I did what I swore never to do; I put on leggings with a shirt that didn’t cover my butt and paired the dreaded ensemble with boots.  I was that girl.

 

“That girl” aside, it was worth it.  My leggings rewarded me with 312 names… triple what I gotten the day before.  It’s almost as though leggings have magical powers; they were able to attract more guys, but also women.

 

My success rate with couples, families and groups of girls was much higher with my leggings.  Maybe because they respected the fact that I wasn’t a Megan Fox type Jim Beam promo girl who their husbands were drooling over… I was the girl at the Toyota table who was barely pulling off leggings, just like they would if they tried the pantless look.

 
The moral of this story is that leggings are ok when used appropriately.  In this case, when used to win $100. Use them sparingly and semi-conservatively for maximum results.  No pants?  No problem.